


I Want You To Notice When I'm Not Around

by ltskiki



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Pansexual Character, Self-Harm, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:33:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11363208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ltskiki/pseuds/ltskiki
Summary: "Uh, I'm Maya Hart, I'm 16, and I'm here because I carved up my arm on Thanksgiving instead of the turkey."AU where Riley's window was closed the day they were supposed to meet. They meet when they are 16 in a support group for teenagers. Maya self harms and Riley has an eating disorder.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Riley is dating Lucas in the beginning of this story, she's pansexual but doesn't really have feelings for him, she just thinks she's supposed to be together. I promise a rilaya plot is coming but it might take a few chapters.

"Maya, get up! You're not skipping out on this!"

Maya Hart groaned, rolling onto her side. She blearily opened her eyes to look at her digital clock on the box she used as a bedside table.

 _Ugh, 9 AM on a Saturday? This is so fucking stupid._  

She stood up, shrugging on a ripped pair of jeans and a Pink Floyd hoodie, being careful not to snag the sleeves on her scabbed-over arms.

"I can't believe you're making me do this. How is talking about my feelings to a bunch of privileged brats going to help me?" Maya complained, sitting down across from her mother at the kitchen.

"How do you know who's going to be there? Maybe you'll make a new friend. Besides, it's the only form of therapy our insurance covers." She stood up hastily, grabbing her purse before opening the cupboard with the broken hinge.

"Here." Katy slid a box of frosted flakes across the table.  
"You're already running a little late, chug some milk and eat on the subway."

"Great." Maya muttered, grabbing the box and shoving it into her backpack. There was one thing she disliked more than dry cereal, and that was taking the train alone. She'd hear stories all the time about flashers and general weirdoes, not to mention the awkwardness of being packed in with a bunch of strangers.

She put in her earbuds, letting David Bowie's voice flow into her head. She avoided eye contact with everyone on the street, looking up only to cross the street and make her descent into the subway station.

Maya took an ear bud out to assess the crowd on the platform. Mostly adults unlucky enough to be working on a Saturday, but a shady looking man caught her eye.  
One of the great benefits of being a poor 16 year old girl in New York was that nobody expected you to have money. She usually felt safe enough knowing that she wasn't a great target for robbery, but the way the man was looking her up and down made her hands tremble slightly. This was the last thing she needed, she was already on edge about having to interact with new people.  
She pulled her hood up as the train entered the station, quickly making her way to the first door. In her peripheral vision she saw the man moving, he was getting closer. Her breathe hitched and she moved quicker. She saw an empty seat just inside the door, she just had to make it there. Just as she grabbed onto the pole inside the train, she felt a hand on her lower back.

"You have a nice ass, girly." A gruff voice whispered into her ear. Maya's breath hitched. No no no no no. This wasn't happening. She hated men touching her she didn't want this to be real. This couldn't happen again.

"Hey, leave her alone!" A tall boy with light hair ran up to the two, wedging himself between Maya and the man.

"None of your busi-" The adult started, but the teenager took a step closer, sticking a finger in his face.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?! What right do you have to touch her? Leave, now!"

"Are you kidding me? I have places to be, kid."

Maya sat down, still shaking. "Dude, it's okay. The train's about to leave."

"No, you shouldn't have to sit next to this guy the entire route. He needs to get off before I put my fist up his ass."

Maya stayed silent, slightly afraid of the fire in the boy's eyes. Sure, the guy had freaked her out, but he looked ready to kill.

"Alright, I'm leaving! Fucking kids.." The man scoffed, forcing open the sliding door and stepping back onto the platforn.

"Thanks." Maya muttered, still not making eye contact. Her mind was racing as she recalled the thoughts she'd had when he put his hands on her. 'This couldn't happen again' why did she think that?

"Hey, are you okay? That guy was a creep." She looked up as a sweet voice addressed her. The owner of the voice was a girl around her age, with long brown hair pulled up into twin buns.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." She stuttered, watching the girl take a seat next to her and extend a hand.

"I'm Riley, this is my boyfriend, Lucas." She motioned towards the boy next to her, the same one who almost beat up the groper.

"Hey." Lucas said simply, pulling on his comically oversized cowboy hat.

"I'm sorry about him, he means well! He just has a temper." Riley giggled softly, looking away. Maya looked her over and realized how thin she was. She was wearing a bulky pink sweater, but her legs were exposed under a light purple skirt. They looked like pale toothpicks.

"Do you mind if we sit next to you? No offense, but you look like you could use some company."

"Uh, no. I guess not." Maya said, not sure if she meant it.

"Oh! Do you want to see pictures of my hamster? I put cute stickers on them!" Riley exclaimed, pulling out her phone before Maya had a chance to answer. She let out a wry grin as the taller girl chattered on, showing her blurry pictures of the caged rodent.

"This is my stop." Maya interrupted after 10 minutes, standing up.

"Oh, ours too! You go to the library?" Riley looked surprised. 

Maya laughed, the sound surprising her. She hadn't laughed in a long time. "Uh, not really, my mom is making me go to this stupid support group."

"You're going to Harper's support group?! Me too!"

"Wait, really?" Maya pursed her lips. Sure, Riley seemed a little ADD, but that wasn't usually something that you ended up in therapy for.

"Yeah. My parents say I have an eating disorder or something, so I'm trying my best to get better!" She replied cheerfully.  
"This is great, I'll walk with you in! Lucas has to wait by the books because he's not in the group, confidentiality and stuff. Let's go!"

Riley grabbed Maya's arm, pulling her out of the train car. She grinned again at the strange girl.

 _Maybe this won't be so bad._  


	2. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya attends her first support group.

"Welcome again, everybody. It's nice to see all of your faces after break. How was Thanksgiving?"

The crowd murmured replies with varied enthusiasm. Maya reflected briefly on her Thanksgiving weekend. Her mom worked a 12 hour shift, and Maya had used the alone time to slice up her arm in the bathroom. It would've been fine had she not fallen asleep on the floor, leaving her mom to find her in a rather compromising situation. That's why she was here in the first place; she just wished she had been more careful.

Nothing she could do about it now, she supposed as she sat down a few chairs away from the woman speaking. She was short, with long black hair pinned to the back of her head.   
There were around 12 kids sat in the circle of chairs, none of whom she recognized other than Riley, who was sitting next to the woman she assumed was Harper. Maya was mostly glad to have no one sitting on either side of her, these places seemed like giant hug-fests on TV, and she didn't feel like being touched at the moment.

"Now since we have a new face, I'd like to remind everyone of the rules."  
Everyone turned to look at her. Great, everyone probably knew each other already and she was the loner, par usual.

"Rule one, what's said in here stays here. I know you guys love to gossip about who made out with who behind the gym and whatever else teenagers do, but this isn't the place for it."  
That earned a collective giggle from the group, and even Maya broke into a smile. What a kook.

"I want everyone to be comfortable sharing whatever they'd like without fear or judgment. But, if you're not comfortable with the way a conversation is headed, you can speak up and we'll change the subject."

A few people shifted uncomfortably, and Maya wondered just how deep these discussions got.

"Anyways, even though this is a therapeutic setting, we'd all still like to get to know each other and have a little fun, right? So I'd like everyone to introduce themselves and how old they are, why they're here, and what their favorite book is."   
Almost everyone, including Maya, groaned. She couldn't recall the last book she'd read that wasn't assigned to her.

"Come on guys, I'm sure you have great taste! I need some new reads. Anyways, I'll start. I'm Harper, I'm 24. I'm here because I love helping kids. I have a degree in psychology, and my favorite book is The Catcher In the Rye."  
Maya had read that book in 8th grade and it wasn't that bad, though the main character was a major whiner.

"Okay, Riley, your turn."

Riley perked up, an eager smile on her face. "Hi! I'm Riley, I'm 16, and I'm here because my parents said I have an eating disorder, and I don't want that anymore I guess. My favorite book is Thumbelina."

Maya chuckled quietly as the people between her and the bubbly girl took their turns. It was amazing how positive Riley was, she treated a therapy group like it was a freakin party.

The person closest to her finished up, something about Greek mythology. Maya cleared her throat before beginning.  
"Uh, I'm Maya Hart, I'm 16, and I'm here because I carved up my arm on Thanksgiving instead of the turkey." She grinned at the shocked faces around her before continuing. "And my favorite book is The Little Engine That Could."

"Nice to meet you, Maya." Harper said warmly, seeming unphased by her morbid comment. Maya nodded, waiting for the next person to start.

Most of the kids there were her age, around 15 or 16, but there was one 13 year old girl named Mandy, who said she was there because of a suicide attempt four months ago. She seemed well adjusted, and like she belonged there, two things Maya couldn't attest to.

After she was done, Maya checked her phone and saw the meeting was already almost half over. Her head jerked up when she heard Harper clap her hands together.

"Okay, now that we've all checked in, it's time for today's lesson." The leather-clad woman said, rolling in a white board that had one short phrase on it.

"A new beginning. What does that mean?" She waited a second before calling on Riley, who was eagerly raising her hand.

"The start of a something new."

"Exactly. In DC's Batman, Bruce Wayne is struggling with the death of his parents, and vows for revenge. He embarks on almost a decade long journey to learn all of the skills he needs, but his new beginning starts when a bat crashes through his mansion's window. 

All of you are here for a reason. Whether that's addiction, loss, or mental illness. Something in your life has brought you to this moment. And this moment, and every moment after that, is a chance to start over. A chance for a new beginning."

Maya snorted, and everyone turned to look at her.

"Maya? Do you have something to add?"

Maya squirmed in her seat. She hadn't meant to be rude or draw attention to herself, but she might as well speak her mind.

"Well, frankly that sounds like bullshit. It's not that easy to just up and change everything bad that's happened in your life, even if you're a crime-fighting goth dude."

To her surprise, the dark-haired woman gave her a wry smile. "I didn't say it would be easy. In fact, making a lasting, positive change in your life is one of the hardest things you can do. It takes time, and more importantly, you need someone in your corner. Someone who you can talk to, and count on to be there for you. I talked to your mother when she signed you up to these meetings, she sounds supportive."

"Yeah, when she's around." Maya blurted out. Harper was silent, and Maya could feel the other members of the group staring at her. She looked at the floor, suddenly self-conscious.

"Hey, can we change the subject? I'm, uh..uncomfortable talking about moms right now." Riley spoke up, glancing at Maya's tense expression.

"Sure, Riley." Harper said, looking puzzled but not questioning her farther.

Riley smiled, giving Maya a not-so-subtle wink as their group leader turned her back to write some more topic points on the board.

After the spotlight was off her, Maya was surprised at how quickly the meeting went. About 20 minutes later everyone stood up to leave, and Harper called Maya over.

"I'm sorry if today started out rough, but I really hope you'll come to next week's meeting. You seem like an..interesting girl, with a lot of potential. Don't waste it."

"Thanks, I'll think about it."   
The truth was, Maya liked Harper and the rest of the group more than she thought she would. The program seemed tedious, but she could tell Harper was trying her best to keep the kids invested. Besides, she doubted her mom would let her bail after just one week.

"No problem. Now get going, I think someone's waiting for you." Harper grinned, pointing to Riley, who was waiting tentatively by the door.

Maya nodded, walking towards the brunette across the room.

"Hey! I was thinking we could sit together on the way back, Lucas left early and my dad doesn't like me riding the subway alone."

"Sure, it's better than being alone I guess." Maya agreed, holding the door for the other girl as they walked out of the building together.

"So, does Lucas do that often?" Maya asked as the sat down on the subway. "Leave you alone, I mean?"

Riley giggled softly, looking down. "Not really. I mean, he texted me saying he had something he needed to do, it's fine."

"Okay, that's good." Maya nodded, listening to the humming and clanking of the train as it moved closer to their destination.

"What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?" Riley said cheerfully.

"Nah." Maya shrugged, not wanting to talk about her own love life. She knew guys, of course, one of her closest friends Farkle was one, but she never really thought of pursuing a relationship with him, or any other boy for that matter. She had come to the conclusion that she liked girls awhile ago, but that wasn't really necessary information right now.

"Uh, do you wanna listen to music?" Maya offered, trying to stave off any further awkward conversation.

"Yeah, sure! What kind of music do you like?"

"A lot of different stuff. I try not to listen to stuff on the radio though." Maya said, opening the music app on her phone, and handing Riley an earbud.

"This is cool! Who is it?"

"Panic! at the Disco. They're a little overrated but their older stuff is pretty good."

"Oh, never heard of them." Riley said simply.

Maya laughed, turning the music up. She was surprised at how nice she found this girl's company to be; they were so different. She smiled and closed her eyes, focusing on the lyrics.

_Stop there, and let me corrext it_  
I want to live a life from a new perspective  
You come along because I love your face  
And I'll admire your expensive taste 

A few songs later, the subway jolted to a stop and Riley stood up.

"This is my stop, I'll see you next week." She grabbed her backpack, retrieving a pen and notebook paper from it.   
"Here's my number if you want to talk before then!"

"Thanks." Maya said, looking at the scribbled numbers that were handed to her, and for the first time in awhile, she felt hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got back from camp, sorry for not updating sooner! This chapter is kindof long so I hope that makes up for it. I promuse Farkle is going to be in the next chapter!
> 
> (sidenote, I'm not going to portray Lucas as a bad person/abusive, I just think him and Riley work better as friends when they can communicate better)


	3. Monday Morning Chats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya arrives early to school.

"Hey honey, can you drop this in the mail slot on your way to school?"

Maya walked into her kitchen, grabbing an apple from the counter and a letter from her mom's hand.

"You got it, mamacita." She replied, biting into her apple.

"You seem like you're in a good mood today." Katie noted, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Yeah, haven't slit my wrists just yet." The girl replied sarcastically through a mouthful of fruit. Her smirk diminished when she saw her mother's face fall.  
"I'm joking, mom, chill."

"I know, just..don't you think you'd have an easier time making friends without the morbid attitude?" She asked gently.

"I have enough friends." Maya looked away, feeling a sudden tightness in her chest.  
"Whatever, I need to get to school. Love you." She gave her mom a quick kiss on the cheek and closed the door behind her.

Maya sat on the subway in silence, searching through her playlists for a perfect song, before giving up and scrolling through her tumblr the rest of the way. 

She opened her locker, then realized she was almost a half hour early for her first class. She sighed, turning around when she heard a familiar voice across the hall.

 

Peering around the wall that seperated the freshman and sophomore lockers, she saw Riley talking loudly to her boyfriend and another boy with dark skin and a pink hoodie. She wanted to call out to the other girl, but stopped herself, not knowing what she would say.

"Enjoying the view?"

Maya jumped, a familiar boy blocking her line of vision. She let go of the wall and laughed softly, glancing back at the dark haired girl on the other side of the hallway.

"I guess. Do you know who she is?" Maya asked tentatively, finally looking at her one of her only friends, Farkle Minkus.

"Sure. Riley Matthews, her dad teaches ninth grade Social Studies. She's a grade above us." Farkle cocked an eyebrow, surprised to see a small smile on his blonde counterpart's face.  
"Do you know her?"

"Uh, yeah. I didn't realize she went to the same school as us; she's in that support group my mom made me go to."

"You actually went?" This time Farkle smiled. "Good, maybe it'll actually help."

"I don't need any help."

Farkle glanced at her arms, covered with a grey sweater despite the early autumn's warmth.  
"Sure. You know, therapy isn't that bad, my parents had me go after I came out to them."

Maya snorted. "That's different. Telling your parents 'Hey, I'm actually a boy!' and your mom walking in on you covered in blood is not the same."

Farkle frowned, running a hand through his spiky hair. "I'm just saying, give it a chance. More people do it than you think. Speaking of," he turned his head in Riley's direction, making sure she was still out of earshot.  
"Why would Mr. Matthew's daughter be there? She seems like your average princess-y type."

"Oh, I don't know." Maya lied, feeling uncomfortable talking about someone else's personal problems; besides, Harper had specifically said what was said in the group stayed in the group.  
"She seems nice, though."

"And she's really pretty." Farkle smirked at Maya suggestively, causing her to scoff and push him playfully.

"It's not like that, she has a boyfriend." She looked once again at Riley, who was holding onto the tall boy's fingers.

"Lucas? I honestly thought he was gay first time I saw him."

"Because he looks like he works out? Isn't that stereotyping?"

"Not if you're queer it's not!" Farkle laughed, looking her over. "Besides, I usually have perfect gaydar. Take you for example."

"How do you know I like girls?" Maya mumbled, fumbling with her locker combination.

"You practically drool every time you see the cheer team at school assemblies. Also, you own more flannel than a lumber jack." He playfully replied, before touching her shoulder.  
"Hey, I'm not trying to make fun of you or pressure you or whatever. I just thought-"

"Yeah, I get it." Maya snapped, pulling away from him. "I'm the big scary lesbian." 

"I never said that!" Farkle said, "There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"I know that." Maya replied, grabbing her books and slamming the locker shut. "I just..don't wanna be 'that gay girl' who ends up alone with a buzzcut and 20 cats."

"Okay, we really need to work on your self-esteem, nobody like a self-hating queer." Farkle joked, but Maya had already zoned out; he followed her gaze over to the brunette 20 feet in front of them.

"Hey, Riley!"

Maya grabbed Farkle, shoving a hand over his mouth. "What are you doing?" She whipped her head around, looking in horror as the girl walked towards them.  
"She's coming over here!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's not clear, Farkle is a trans boy and not straight. Sorry this is kindof a dialogue heavy chapter, but I'm trying to update faster and actually finish this story! Please leave a comment with any suggestions/questions you may have!


	4. Don't Start With Me, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkle is a facilitator.

Maya's hands trembled slightly as the brunette walked over to her and Farkle, smiling warmly.

"Hi! Are you one of Maya's friends?" Riley asked, extending her hand to Farkle, still grinning at the blonde.

Before Maya could speak, he shook her hand firmly, a smirk appearing on his face. "Yeah, one of her many, many friends."

She groaned audibly, bringing the two's attention to her. _What an ass._    
"Riley, this is Farkle; Farkle, this is Riley. We met at-"

"Homework club!" Riley interjected. "At the library. I didn't realize you went to Quincy Addams, I've never seen you here before."

"Big school I guess." Maya chuckled awkwardly. No one said anything for a moment.

"Well, any 'homework' buddy of Maya's is a friend of mine." Farkle said finally, wrapping an arm around Maya's shoulder, mussing up her hair. "That's why I called you over, Maya told me a little bit about you and the club."

Riley's smile fell, and she bit her lip before speaking. "Oh. You wanted to see if I was okay? Because I am."

Farkle cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

Maya shot him a look, and he nodded. "That's good I guess." He continued. "But I was just wondering if you wanted to sit with us at lunch today."

Maya sighed in relief, seeing Riley's smile return, even if it did seem more forced. She knew Farkle could come off as abrasive or even rude, but he meant well. She didn't know why, but she wanted Riley to be happy, and for the two to get along.

The taller girl looked back at the two boys she was talking to earlier before answering, seeming more cautious with her words than before. "Sure, if it's okay for Lucas and Zay to come too."

"Yeah, that's totally fine." Maya spoke up, her voice an octave higher than usual.

"Great! I'll see you then, I gotta head to class pretty soon. It was nice meeting you, Farkle!" Riley said, yet her eyes were still on the girl next to him. 

He smiled, grabbing Maya's hand to make a small wave as she walked farther from them. Maya jerked away from him, pulling at the ends of her sleeves nervously.

"What was that all about?" She asked loudly, clenching her jaw. "Why do you always have to embarrass me like that?"

"Embarrass you?" Farkle asked, sounding slightly hurt. "I'm trying to help you. New support group, new friends, new romance..those are good things!"

"None of those things seems like fun to me." Maya said defiantly, but Farkle could see a slight blush in her cheeks. He laughed, pulling her towards their first hour classroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short-is chapter, I decided to split what i have into two chapters instead of making an ungodly long one.


End file.
